Contraception, Part IV: A Mother’s Talents and Training -- Forsaken?

Here’s another question (to add to the list): would God want a woman to completely give up her area of expertise in order to bear large numbers of children? This seems to be a question of stewardship, and of honor. Of course there are countless women who have areas of expertise applicable to or compatible with motherhood. These women would not be required to “turn their backs,” so to speak, on their talents (as well as the resources which have been put into materials and training) in order to mother.

But consider a set of loving parents who have spent their hard-earned dollars on higher education in a specialty for their daughter. Suppose the reason for this commitment is their daughter’s substantial talent and love for the specialty. Then, suppose said daughter meets the man of her dreams, marries soon after graduation, and...proceeds to birth children, one after the other. What might her parents make of this? Does that even matter? (Let’s assume that they support their daughter and love their grandchildren.) From the daughter’s standpoint, does she “owe” them a return on their investment? Perhaps not, or perhaps yes: it’s a matter of honoring what was given to her in good faith. More importantly, is she obligated to God for provision of talent and the means to develop that talent?

When you think about it, it doesn’t make much sense for a young woman and her family to spend gobs of money on higher education in a particular trade, when it’s not possible for said young woman to pursue said trade once she gets married and has lots of children. Nor does it seem right for her to pursue it for a year or two, only to give it up to raise children. It'd be 30 years or so til she'd have opportunity again, unless by then she's helping to care for grandchildren. (I don’t know the practicalities of getting back into a trade after 30+ years; probably depends on the trade.)

Note that what I’m referring to is not a temporary “putting on hold” of the practice of a particular skill, nor even “compromising” the expression of said skill for the sake of raising a family. I’m talking about, essentially, forsaking this skill.

Now, no doubt it is difficult for someone who is not in such a position (or familiar with someone who is) to fully appreciate my question. So let’s imagine a ballerina. From an early age, she exhibits unusual ability to move her body well. Her parents, noticing this, enroll her in ballet classes. She excels in these classes and progresses quickly, having what it takes to be good both physically and mentally through ups and downs of training. She revels in this thing she’s been created to do. She dances for her Creator. (Like Eric Liddell in Chariots of Fire: “When I run, I can hear God laugh.”) So, after high school graduation, her parents send her to a fine dance school. She receives further opportunities to hone her dancing and to develop her professional dance career.

But then she gets married. She becomes pregnant, and bears a child. Without much chance to return to professional activities, she becomes pregnant again. And again. And again. And again. Years go by – the prime years in which she would otherwise have developed and peaked as a professional dancer. Money is tight, so she can’t really afford to send her children, some of whom also show promise as dancers, to ballet lessons. Though she tries to provide what instruction she can herself, this proves difficult due to her other responsibilities to her children, husband, and household. Perhaps some generous benefactor offers to sponsor training for her children...but perhaps not. And in whose footsteps, down the road, may her daughters follow??

The debate on contraception and childbearing/raising often hinges on the value of life and the value of children, which I don’t dispute. However, suppose we examine the purpose of a woman. Is a woman’s sole, overriding purpose to bear and raise children? (This is not a feminist question ;-) ) If so, why would God give her certain talents that, in order to be substantially realized, must compete with other callings in regards to time, effort and resources? Yes, we all need to make choices. In the case of multiple talents, one must seek God and use wisdom and judgment as to the purpose of those talents in one’s life and in the big picture.

The book of Ecclesiastes tell us that "there is a time for everything." And I believe this is true. But what does that mean for a woman of certain talent in a reproductively healthy marriage, who does not use contraception?

Part V: “Other Considerations” to follow.