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A blog dedicated to the Source of everything good.

Saturday, May 27, 2006

Rumbling and crash helmets and head-shaving, not necessarily in that order

Joe Carter must’ve been getting bored out there at the outpost. He did what any self-respecting male would do in his situation; he picked a fight. Hoping to incite a Royal Rumble in Godblogdom, it seems, our dear friend resorted to brash insult. Never mind that in person Joe’s as unassuming as they come; we all know where a blogger’s true colors shine. Even his best blog-friends and associates, which include some of the finest godbloggers out there, did not escape his affront -- not even Tim Challies, Michael Spencer, nor David Wayne. Sheesh!

What's worse, Joe even saw fit to pick on women. Of the Intellectuelles, he asked some deep, heartfelt questions:

Do you keep your heads covered when you write your blog posts? Also, if you read something on a theoblog do you have to ask your husbands to explain it for you? (I know the church rules don't apply to blogging. But still...)

Our own Catez made a right royal complementarian response (since she was the one wearing the helmet):

I can assure you that I take headcovering very seriously and in a theologically astute manner. A woman must have her head covered when writing blog posts. If she doesn't something terrible happens to do with angels and the complete decline of the family. Not sure of the details. To the point - as I sit here responding to this probing question I am wearing a motorcycle helmet. The visor is up. Of course not everyone will wear a motorcycle helmet, but I will point out that the type of headcovering to be worn is not specified and I like helmets. Helmets cover the whole head, and are not just a partial covering which leaves big spaces for the angels to slip under. I've been told by the bikers at the bar where we go evangelising that my helmet is quite attractive.

On to the second question. Unfortunately many theoblogs defy explanation from persons of either gender. Sometimes I give up part way through a post and watch video reruns of Spongebob Squarepants instead. I often wear my motorcycle helmet while doing this as apparently Spongebob is a subversive influence and watching without a covering can cause the complete decline of the family. And who said church rules don't apply to blogging? Sounds like a dash of cultural relativism there.

Catez went on to rumble I mean celebrate with David Wayne over his most excellent post, Throwing Mark Driscoll Under the Bus (which I was going to link to myself but now don’t have to).

Well, not to be outdone or to turn the other cheek or anything, the Jolly made his own most gracious response to Catez in Why I’m More Gracious and Spiritual Than You Are:

I Corinthians 11 tells us that our spirituality is governed by what is on our heads. You women are not to pray with your head uncovered and us guys are not to pray with our head covered. So, I have taken this exhortation quite literally and this has payed off handsomely in terms of spirituality and graciousness.

What I have done is this, not only do I not wear a hat when praying, preaching or blogging, I have shaved my head. And not just the top of my head, but any and all hair attached to my head in any way.

I shave my eyebrows and clip my eyelashes at least once a week.

My wife plucks my ear hairs on a regular basis.

Recently my son took a lighter and stuck it up my nose and singed off all of my nose hair. This has an economic benefit since the nose hair is now permanently gone and I can quit buying electric nose hair trimmers. I've burned up three this year already.

Sometimes I even use Nair on my whole head just to be safe, but I gotta tell you that when I spray it up my nose it really messes me up.

I'm actually quite hideous to look at, that's why in the pictures you see of me I've got on hair pieces and heavy theatrical makeup. I hear that sometimes kids read my blog so I don't want to scare them.

But being completely hairless I am also far more spiritual than almost anyone I know. This is my secret to being gracious - I have less hair than anyone else and it makes me more spiritual, gracious and humble than anyone.

Go on, read the whole thing.

You gotta wonder about a guy who messes with Nair and encourages his wife to grow a mustache, though. Not to mention the stiletto heels and pink chiffon (see comments at link). But all this does explain the perpetually-jolly visage sported by the Jollyblogger at the last GodBlogCon – it’s amazing what they can do with theatrical makeup these days.

(Whew, now I can take off this ridiculous wig. I think I’ll go back to letting my husband write; this head-covering stuff is not for the faint-hearted.)
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