The joys of aging

I’ve no idea how I got on their mailing list. I received a catalog from a company that says their products help you “look and feel your best at 40, 50, and 60.”

(age-wise, I qualify, but...who told them??)

Featured in the catalog:

– the slimming and sexy “Miraclesuit” swimsuit. Will make you “look 10 lbs. lighter in 10 seconds.”

– “Spectacular sunreader glamour glasses.” “No more shuffling between sunglasses and reading glasses when you want to relax with a good book.” Have “tastefully molded frames” (60s-style)

– Not Your Daughter’s Jeans with “Tummy Tuck” panel. “Pure Jeanius.” (My daughter’s jeans are about 18" long. The model in the catalog doesn’t need the “Tummy Tuck” feature.)

– “A basic with built-in support!” 3/4 sleeve V-neck tee with built-in Coolmax shelf bra “for support and moisture management.” “Functional as well as flattering.”

– five different models of magnifying mirrors

– Dermacolor – “offers superior coverage of discolorations anywhere on your body and won’t rub off on clothes.”

– gradient-compression knee-high trouser socks

– comfortable bra extenders

– stay-dry, “worry free” panties (in plain or lacey)

There’s an assortment of other products designed to help combat grey hairs naturally, provide fast relief for ball-of-foot pain, and, last but certainly not least, “put the spark back in your romantic life.” (Including some, ah, items I wouldn’t expect to see in an, um, “general” catalog!)

Whoo boy. Life’s just begun!

(Note: I am not making fun of anyone who needs some of these products or is greatly benefitted by them. I’m simply bemused by the fact that I, still so close to my youthful blush, should receive such a catalog...)